Thirty Somethings Dinner Party

The glass isn’t that far from mine. It’s probably a two-inch difference. Other than that, they are the same. The contents both clear; the shape and color of the glass are the same. A quick switch-a-roo and it’s all she wrote. So….why not? I mean, no one is going to mind, right? Well, I might mind, later on in life. Yet, right now, do I mind? No, not really. I could also just leave. That’d be the smart thing to do. Leave early once again? People are going to start thinking I’m antisocial. I’m not antisocial; I just don’t really enjoy these nights anymore. It’s the same conversation, fluffed with current news, every single time. Everyone believes to be such a profound thinker at these gatherings. To be honest, I’d rather sit at home and stair at my naked walls. Why are my walls so bare? I mean, I have personality, right? I think I do. Maybe others don’t, but I do have a personality.

Sure, maybe, I don’t really have much to say when I see people. Is that my fault though? Maybe what people choose to talk about doesn’t interest me. Heck. I’d love to talk about my interest. What are they though? Damn, I have to really think about this. Am I boring? I can’t think of one interest! Not even one. Well, I enjoy sports. Yes! Sports! I am interested in sports. Okay, so what sport do I like? I’ll watch football every once in a while. Yup, I’m a huge football fan. What team do I like? I like the…well I live in New York. I like the Giants. I’m a Giants fan. Who is their coach again? Crap. I can’t remember. Well. The quarterback is Eli. I know Eli. Although, I don’t think I really like him. He’s always smiling after he throws an interception. And, plus I’m not positive he’s that great. Sure, he’s won a superbowl or two, but one guy doesn’t win a game, right? See. I’m not boring, I can have a whole conversation about why I don’t like Eli Manning. I have personality.

Shit. I remember that guy over there. What’s his name? Errk. I can’t remember. I do remember he’s a big Giants fan though. He spewed out a lot of numbers and percentages last time we spoke. There goes that idea. What else do I like?

Oh shit, they’re looking at me! I wasn’t listening. I was too busy trying to remember the head coaches name to the fucking Giants. Who, I just discovered is my favorite team. What do I do? Well, I can’t sit here with this stupid fucking grin on my face. Fuck.

Sorry, I zoned out. What did you say?”

That should buy me some time. Ok, now pay attention, they’re probably going to ask the question again. Why are they all laughing? What did I miss? Who’s that? Well she’s new to the group. Kind of cute too. That’s a surprise. I’m use to the same faces, but I can’t recognize who that is. Why do I have to come to these things? I told Pete that I hate coming to these. Every time, same thing, “come on, it will be good for you, plus Mary always leaves me to fend for myself.” Then he leaves me on a couch, while he goes looking for her. Leaving me to talk to people I don’t really want to talk to. And then my mind starts to wander and I lose track of the conversation and end up looking awkward.

“I said, you look like you’re in deep thought.”

They’re laughing again. Great. Har, har, har. Really fucking funny. Of course I’m in deep thought. Well, I might as well pretend I’m in on the joke. There we go. See, I’m part of it. I got my smile on and fake laugh. I even threw my head back in acknowledgement. Witty response. Well it’s been ten seconds, so I can’t go with something too witty. Fuck. I can’t even think of a witty response when I have time. That’s great.

“Yeah, sorry. It’s been a long day. I was stuck thinking about something that happened at work”

There’s the old default. I can’t say how many times I have used that one. I wonder if I should start keeping track. It would be funny if I kept track of something so arbitrary. Well, shit. Now I have to think of something that happened at work today just in case they ask me. And, I’ll have to try to make my work sound exciting. How exciting is it? It’s work. Am I a boring person? I don’t even know anymore.

Okay good, they’ve moved on with the conversation. I can just pretend to be listening again. What should I do with my arms? Cross them? Well, that’d make me look as if I’m not having fun. I can’t have that being revealed. No, I can put them in my pocket. And then I’d have the awkward bent elbows protruding at my sides. I can put them behind my back and look like a waiter. “How can I be of service for you today?” “Would you like me to have the chef cook you up this delightful, piece of shit, meal, so you can take a photo of it and not enjoy real conversation with the other patrons at your table?” “Wonderful! I go straight to the chef and inform him!”

Jeez. Am I negative? I mean, all I do is hate on these people. Why? What have they done to me? Actually, they’re always really, almost overly, nice to me. Why should I be mean about them? I guess I’m unhappy with life. Although, I don’t really have any reason to be unhappy. I don’t think so at least. Maybe, I’m just self-involved. I haven’t really listened to one person tonight. All I do is watch and observe. Observe and watch. And then secretly bash and rip the person to shreds in my head. Why can’t I just enjoy the present? I’m worse than all of them.